It's a long read, but it might just save someone through early detection..
I recently put up a post about wanting to add the element of storytelling into my equine images, and beautiful Jesseka sent me her story.
During her treatment and recovery, it’s her horses that have provided a daily necessity to get her out of bed and pushing forward. Anyone who loves their animals knows sickness, rain, injury.. nothing gets in the way of those feeds every day.
I really wanted to create a prop to incorporate into one sequence. Something to signify her 16 rounds of chemotherapy.. starting out strong and then slowly wearing down and losing herself more after every treatment. Something that also signified Jess’ fertility fears,
As I lay on the acupuncture table yesterday it came to me. I’d use matches of varying lengths covered with a bandaid to signify the hope of healing. The frame, oval in shape like an egg to symbolise fertility, then I painted the background green as it is associated with both fertility and femininity.
The clouds put on an incredible show for the session also.. no it's not AI why would I need that when magic happens right in front of my lens.
At 29 years old, life is usually just starting to come together. The career you studied for is finally happening, you’ve found your life partner, you are starting to think about having children, you have plans, the future is exciting. But then an unexpected and unwelcome health diagnosis blows your life apart, and all you can hope is that you can live long enough to see your dreams and plans come to life.
You are a good person, you contribute to society, you look after yourself.. but cancer doesn’t care…
You can be old, young, fit, healthy, skinny, overweight, someone’s mother, someone’s wife. You played by all the rules. Your ability to grow old was just an expectation.
It’s cruel, and it doesn’t discriminate…
Here is Jess’ story and advice.
Ladies, learn how to check your breasts and trust your gut if someone tells you not to worry because “you’re too young”. Cancer doesn’t give a f^*k about your age. I went to a doctor about a pea-sized lump. I was told it was nothing to worry about: “you’re too young. It’s probably just part of your cycle”.
By April, it was nearly 3cm.
6 months of endless appointments, waiting rooms, weekly (or more) blood tests, PET/CT/MRI/mammogram/ultrasounds, and more waiting rooms and appointments.
The diagnosis….stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. What followed was more tests, scans, an IVF attempt to harvest embryos to preserve fertility (which I had to stop halfway through, thus was unsuccessful), chemical induced menopause, 16 rounds of chemotherapy, and surgery in November to remove 5 lymph nodes and the residual cancer. Unfortunately, about 2 weeks before Christmas, I found out that the cancer was a lot more aggressive than indicated through the original biopsy, so I will now need to do another 6 months of chemotherapy after 15 rounds of radiation. What they tell you about cancer treatment is that it’ll make you physically sick, tired, nauseous, immunocompromised, anaemic. You’ll lose ALL your hair, including eyelashes and eyebrows, maybe your nails too, But what they don’t tell you is that the toughest battle is against your own mind. You lose your independence, confidence, privacy, femininity - your identity. You’re constantly anxious, self-conscious, overwhelmed, tired, cynical, and angry. Your body becomes a stranger but your mind becomes your enemy
Through this time, I’ve worked full time as a new & beginning high school science teacher (having only just got a permanent job term 4 last year), kept on top of the farm work, and ride/play with my horses as much as I can.
The days that I haven’t been able to ride, or not allowed to after surgery, they’ve been such a steady motivator and reminder to keep going.
I guess the reason for me reaching out is that I’ve become a bit of an advocate for women listening to their gut and trusting their instincts. Me getting a 2nd opinion has probably saved my life (hopefully), although I’m far from out of the woods. But most importantly, I’ve become more open about sharing the secret battles that cancer patients, especially young females, have to endure; the mental health challenges, loss of self-esteem and confidence, body autonomy and privacy, hormonal changes, the fear of the unknown, and even the guilt from the ripple effect that this all causes.
