Today, I met the lovely Helen, an 81 year old widow who misses the company of her devoted husband after 60 years of a very happy marriage. She wanted photos because she has decided to try a dating site for seniors in the hope of meeting a widower of similar age and interests who would enjoy female companionship.
Helen Jeanette McDonald was born on 21 July 1945 at Bulli, NSW. She grew up in Thirroul, where her parents owned a grocery and delicatessen store which her mother had operated alone during the Second World War while her father was serving overseas in the army. Helen has one sister six years older than her, a brother one year younger and another sister twelve years younger than her.
At the end of Year 5, Helen's parents decided to enrol her to in SCEGGS (Sydney Church of England Girls' Grammar School) Wollongong. At the end of Year 6, she won a scholarship to cover her fees for her high school years. This was fortunate because at that time her parents, through no fault of their own, had encountered some financial hardship and would other wise have had to withdraw her from the school.
Until she was about 12, Helen's brother was her best friend and they mixed mostly with his friends so she became comfortable in boys' company, riding their push bikes from Thirroul to Austinmer and spending Saturday afternoons at Thirroul cinema. When she turned 14 she joined the Presbyterian Church Fellowship and from 16 attended monthly Fellowship dances where she met boys and began dating. Some of her fondest memories are of the Barn Dance, Pride of Erin, Canadian Three Step, Waltzes (all danced with different boys) and the La Bomba (always danced with Doug, after he accidentally nearly hit her once with a gesture while talking to a group of mates).
In 1961, at the end of Helen's second last year at school, SCEGGS took her class to Jervis Bay Naval College. In 1962, at the end of her last year of school, the Naval College brought the cadets to SCEGGS for the Farewell dance. It was on this occasion, Helen met and later fell in love with one of the cadets, Jim.
In 1963, Helen won a scholarship to Wollongong Teachers College, where she met Ian McDonald(who later became her husband). Ian took her home from the first College dance but did not ask her out again until two years later.
During 1963 Helen continued to date other boys and she also wrote regularly to Jim, who was able to visit her several times while he was still attending Jervis Bay Naval College.
Near the end of 1963, Helen was invited to go to Willunga, in South Australia, to stay with Jim's family. It was her first visit to an almond farm, her only experience of driving a tractor, and her only experience of travelling overnight by train in a sleeping carriage, and of sleeping the next night (without benefit of a sleeping compartment), sitting up, held in Jim's arms, to complete the journey. All done very innocently with no loss to Helen's virtue!
During 1964 Helen and Jim continued corresponding but Helen stopped dating other guys and attending dances for most of the year because she had fallen deeply in love with Jim. Unfortunately, they were unable to see each other during this time because Jim had returned to South Australia to finish schooling before joining the naval training base in Melbourne called HMAS Cerberus (widely known as Flinders Naval Depot). Late in the year, when Doug (of La Bomba fame) found Helen wasn't dating, he asked her to accompany him to a wedding. He then asked her out on Boxing Day and on New Years Eve.
At the end of 1964, Helen wrote to ask Jim to partner her to Graduation. In the meantime, Ian McDonald had asked her to partner him to Graduation. When Jim was unable to oblige, Helen agreed to attend with Ian (although Doug was a better dancer and she would have preferred to ask him!). She didn't expect to ever see Ian again (given the previous year's experience and the fact that he lived at Pennant Hills and didn't own a car).
Because Helen believed Jim would be based in Melbourne during 1965 while attending HMAS Cerberus, Helen had requested, and been granted, an appointment to a school on the Victorian border in the hope they could see each other occasionally.
Consequently, she was appointed to Barham Central School and for the first two terms, she taught Year 1 in a church hall within walking distance of the school. There, for the first and only time in her life, she encountered ice in roadside trenches, frozen fingers if she touched the steel gates with bare hands and the joys of chill blains. Every Friday afternoon she had to pack up the furniture and all the paraphernalia of teaching so that the church could use the hall over the weekend and then she had to convert it back to a classroom every Monday morning.
Ian had known since Graduation that Helen had requested the appointment to a school on the Victorian border because she was in love with Jim and hoped to see him, but, as he later admitted, he was determined to win her for himself.
He began the campaign by persuading a friend to drive him from Pennant Hills to Thirroul on Christmas night. They slept the night on the beach and then knocked on Helen's front door at 7.00 a.m. on Boxing Day. Helen, running around in her shorty pyjamas, was surprised when her father opened the door and she took a while to recognise the voice. She already had a date for that evening with Doug and wouldn't cancel to suit Ian. The same thing happened on New Years Eve, when Ian again turned up unexpectedly, and again he waited for her to come home. Fortunately, for Ian, Helen's parents were happy for him to sleep at their place whenever he visited. (With maturity, Helen sometimes wondered if they were especially welcoming because they thought a school teacher would make a better husband for her than a "sailor"). Ian then borrowed money from his older brother to buy an old holden and spent the rest of the school holidays visiting.
Although Jim and Helen were still writing several times a week, and Helen was still in love with him and hoping they would marry, they had not seen each other for eighteen months. Helen was surprised and disappointed Jim had not initiated any visits. He could drive; she couldn't, and neither had a car. She didn't feel that, as the female in the relationship, she should do more than she had to facilitate a visit.
Meanwhile, while she was in Barham, Ian drove 10 hours on several Friday afternoons to spend Saturday with her, after teaching all week and working at night in a garage. It was a struggle to resist his amorous advances but she had been taught that men don't want to marry a "second-hand" woman and she still dreamt of marrying Jim.
During her time at Barham, Helen was often invited for Sunday lunch at a dairy farm belonging to Mr and Mrs Lang, parents of twin boys, Ian and Colin, in her class. (Helen later called her son "Colin", after this delightful little boy who had responded very well to her teaching style..... Ian was always neatly dressed, quietly behaved and had beautiful handwriting. Colin was initially very different:- shirt always hanging out, restless and fidgeting, dirty marks all over the page. By the end of second term his mother couldn't believe how well he'd settled and the improvement in his school work. (He even stood still in the morning while she was trying to get his shirt done up!) It was also in Barham that Helen learnt how to identify cows who were "in heat". A 6 year old boy explained it to her!
At 2.30p.m. on the last afternoon of second term in Barham, Helen was notified that she was to transfer to Mulwala, still on the Victorian border but closer to Melbourne. This was inconvenient because she would have to travel ten hours home and then ask her mother to drive her back to Barham to pack up her belongings and then drive her to Mulwala to organise accommodation ready for the final term.
When she reached Mulwala, Helen found board across the border with an older lady in Yarrawonga. She was assigned a class of 45 Kindergarten and Year 1 students, including the Principal's and the Deputy Principal's children, in Mulwala Central School. Three of the Kindergarten students had been allowed to commence their enrolment in August so there was a huge range of learning differences in the class. One of the "bad" things about the appointment was that she also had to teach Music (not her best subject)to senior high school students while the principal read a story to her class; one of the good things was, when a vomiting student in her class set off about ten other students, senior high school students were sent to clean up the mess while Helen supervised her class in the playground.
Whilst living in Yarrawonga, Helen was invited to experience sailing on a catamaran for the first (and only) time and to take part in an amateur theatre production.
Again, Helen had hoped the location would make it easier to see Jim but still no meetings occurred and, although she continued to receive loving letters, she thought she must be just a convenient pen-pal, so she finally gave up hope that Jim was serious about her. (Helen found out much later in life, from her sister-in-law, that Jim had visited her home in Thirroul but she wasn't there.)
Ian couldn't visit Helen in Yarrawonga but he asked her to marry him. Whilst not passionately "in" love with him as she still was with Jim, she had grown very fond of Ian and agreed. She then wrote a tear-stained letter to Jim to tell him.
At the end of 1965, Helen applied for a transfer from Mulwala because Ian had been offered a partnership in a garage at Pennant Hills and was planning to leave teaching. (He subsequently declined the offer and remained teaching until about 1979).
Ian and Helen married, in the Catholic church at Thirroul, on 15th January 1966. Jim sent a telegram wishing them all the best. Helen was devastated. Had she made the right decision?
Fortunately, Ian was such a good man and a devoted husband, it was impossible for Helen not to grow to love him deeply despite the fact they both knew Jim still held a part of her heart. They subsequently enjoyed 60 loving years together.
After their marriage, Helen was appointed to Liverpool West Public School where her Principal, John Pollock, showed her some of the many good teaching practices she implemented with great success throughout her teaching career.
In 1969, Helen was transferred to Campbelltown North Public School where she taught a Year 3/4 class before she became pregnant and submitted her resignation, effective in March 1970, complying with Ian's wishes that she become a non-working, stay-at-home mum.
Their first child, a daughter they named Kerrin, was born on 12th April 1970. Helen had no plans to return to teaching but the Principal of East Campbelltown Public School was short staffed and begged her to undertake casual work for the final term.
Their son was born prematurely, nine months and one day after Kerrin, on 13th January, 1971. They called him Colin after the Year 1 twin from Barham.
During this time Helen and Ian lived in a new brick veneer house in East Campbelltown. Helen continued to engage in casual work and also undertook a short Teacher/Librarian training course and was the appointed Teacher/Librarian at Minto and Narellan Public Schools two days each per school.
In 1975, Helen and Ian moved to an old fibro house on a 5 acre property at Rossmore. Helen was able to obtain a teaching position at nearby Leppington P.S. and Ian was Deputy Principal not too far away at Bennet Road P.S.. Kerrin and Colin attended Rossmore Public School and a lovely neighbour offered to look after them before and after school.
The children were excited by "farm life" because now it was like the "Old McDonald Had a Farm" song. They had a cow, a steer and a baby bull. Ian also got them two dogs(cross Dachshund/Labrador) and some rabbits and white mice. An abandoned white cat adopted them. They soon had to send the steer and the bull to market because they were too dangerous to have around the children. Everyone was happy and Helen thanked God in her prayers!
Ian, with no previous building experience, and with Helen as his labourer, renovated and extended the old house and, with the help of neighbouring Italian brick layers and some other tradesmen for the finishing touches, converted it to a 40 square brick veneer home. The brick layers asked Helen "Are you one of us, Mrs McDonald?" (i.e. Italian) because she worked so hard smashing down fibro walls.
Neighbours often laughed at Ian and Helen's initial attempts to get the steer and baby bull back when they escaped and once they ran through a commercial poultry shed (fortunately empty at the time). Fortunately, a kind soul shared the secret of "dairy meal" and it was child's play to get compliance after that. Ian sometimes arrived home late and would decide to skip milking the cow but she mooed loudly under the bedroom window until he would concede defeat and start milking her at midnight. Helen would find him asleep next morning with his head still resting on the cow's flank. It wasn't long before he asked a friend to buy him a poddy calf from the market so that he could give up his milking job!
Sadly while they were building the house, and Helen was still teaching at Leppington, Kerrin developed a small lump near the top of her breast bone and was diagnosed with Lymphocytoma. She died on 19th June 1976, at 6 years of age, from pneumonia following her treatment for cancer. She was buried at Leppington Lawn Cemetery.
In 1977 Helen was promoted to the position of Executive Teacher at Harrington Street. A year later, she was appointed Assistant Principal at Fairvale Public School.
In 1979 Ian gave up teaching and opened a video shop at Seven Hills. Break-ins were so common he was often kept up until early hours of the morning repairing damage. He was at such a big risk of falling asleep while driving home to Rossmore that Helen persuaded him to sell and they bought a small house in Seven Hills.
They were in that house for less than a year when Ian's elderly mother fell and broke her arm. She moved in with them and then Helen's niece who lived in Sydney, secured a casual teaching position at Fairvale Public School with Helen, and she often needed a bed. They needed a bigger house!
Helen and Ian sold the Seven Hills house less than a year after buying it and moved to nearby Kings Langley. While they were living there, Colin started school at Hurlstone Agricultural School (a Selective High School). Helen drove him to Cabramatta railway station each morning until he was old enough to learn to drive.
Whilst at Fairvale, Helen received a further promotion and was appointed class-free Deputy Principal. She elected to focus on the K-2 department to give the new Assistant Principal taking her place in the 3-6 department a chance to settle in. At this time computers were being introduced in schools so Helen and the Principal, Ellis Harris, implemented the new computer program in the school.
Helen was then successful in achieving her 4th List promotion and applied for Principal positions on the Central Coast because Ian had decided he wanted to live by the sea. She was appointed to Wyoming Public School and rented a flat in East Gosford for a year until Ian was able to sell their Kings Langley house.
They then bought a house across the road from the beach in North Entrance. (One of their holiday-house neighbours was Angus Young from the band AC/DC). Ian bought a tobacconist shop in The Entrance Plaza and a gift store closer to the beach. He subsequently sold the Video shop at Seven Hills.
Helen was later appointed Principal of Wyong Public school and then, for the last ten years of her career, she was Principal of Chittaway Bay P.S. She retired when she was 70 years of age.
While living at North Entrance, Helen and Ian met Jan and Saveng Sounantha who owned a Thai restaurant in The Entrance. They became close friends and were invited to the restaurant when Saveng and Jan (originally from Laos) hosted a dinner for the exiled King of Laos and his entourage. The Sounanthas also introduced them to Bhirom Boonrawdpanich, the highest ranking police General in Bangkok. Subsequently they were invited to visit Thailand where they enjoyed lavish Thai hospitality, and Bhirom's daughter, Palm, later came to live with them for twelve months, to improve her English, before enrolling in university.
Just before retirement Helen and Ian purchased a small rural property at Martinsville, near Cooranbong and Morisset. Ian sold his tobacconist at The Entrance a year or two later. Their son, Colin, and his partner, Fiona, moved, with their son, Archer (Helen and Ian's only grandson), from Forestville to a small acreage at Louth Park, East Maitland. Colin's three step-sons continued to live in Sydney (one working for the State Government, one a solicitor hoping to become a barrister and one a gardener).
In 2019 Helen was diagnosed with multi-focal neuropathy and for several years underwent regular transfusions at Newcastle Private Hospital. About four years later the diagnosis was changed to Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease, an inherited neuropathy which affects the peripheral nerves outside the brain and spinal cord causing muscle weakness in feet, legs hands and arms. During this time, Ian underwent successful treatment for prostate cancer.
Helen and Ian celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary with Colin, Fiona and Archie on 15th January 2026. Sadly, Ian passed away very unexpectedly in his sleep the next month, on 28th February, 2026. In keeping with his wishes, Helen arranged for his cremation and then decided to inter his ashes with their daughter at Forest Lawn Memorial Park, Leppington, where Ian had purchased two grave sites when he arranged Kerrin's funeral in 1976. Helen arranged with Colin, that when her own time comes, he will arrange for her ashes to be placed in the second grave beside Kerrin and Ian's.
Because Ian had been such a loving husband and companion for 60 years, and despite the care of family, friends and neighbours, Helen felt so lonely that she decided to take the previously unimaginable step of registering on a dating site. And that is how we met. She needed some photographs for the site. She explained that she wasn't looking for a romantic relationship at this stage, just male conversation and friendly companionship with perhaps an occasional meal or outing together
